There's seriously only one episode left? Screw HBO and their short seasons.
Though significantly more relatable than a lot of the episodes this season, this week's episode of"Girls"was mostly forgettable. Roommate fights, dealing with your college nemesis, bombing in front of a crowd--and this was all Hannah. With a heavy heart and still a severe lack of Shoshanna, we embark on a new recap.
Your college nemesis finds success before you do
The episode opens to the girls at a book party for Tally Schiffren, a girl Hannah went to college with...and hated.
9--Fear not, young squires. That girl who sucked at everything but still managed to get a job before you did after graduation usually ends up getting laid off. Or punched in the face at a party. Or contracting some wildass gonorrhea. At some point, the universe always steps in and regains balance. -JG
6--Hmm, I try not to pay too much attention to what my nemeses are doing, so no WAY would I be caught dead in a room with any of them. I do know that one of them does PR for an elementary school, so, heh. --DM
Battle of passive aggressive insults
Tally waves Hannah over, and the two engage in some particularly stinging ones about their writing and boyfriends (Hannah’s is alive, Tally’s is dead).
7--Again with the never seeing each other again. But I like to think I’d be full of calm zingers like Hannah’s if I were to. --DM
Interacting with your professors in the real world, post-grad
Hannah is called over by her favorite college writing professor, Professor Goldman, who insists she’s a really good writer (and better than Tally).
9--It’s not as big of a deal as when you talked to your high school teachers like real people after high school, but it’s still weird the first time you get drunk and talk about non-school things with a former teacher. The likelihood of this is much increased when you live in the same town you went to school in. -JG
8--Drunk around teachers? Whaaaaat? Also, are these two gonna bone at some point or what? -DM
Ridiculous Spider-Man boyfriend spoon
Trapped underneath a pile of Adam and thinking about the previous night's events, Hannah can't sleep.
10--Get off me. I need to sleep. Get off me. It’s hot. GET OFF ME. But if he’s going to keep you awake, you might as well get him up for a little funtimes too. -DM
9--I'm honestly just surprised Adam didn't fart here, leaving Hannah trapped and helpless. -JG
Roommate’s boyfriend marches into the apartment unannounced
Sweaty, shirtless Adam barges into the apartment and retreats to Hannah’s room. But he’s using Hannah’s keys and doesn’t have his own set.
8--I’ve heard of people actually liking their roommate’s boyfriends and not really minding this. Obviously these people don’t have cray roommates like Hannah who date even cray-ier boyfriends like Adam. -JG
9--It’s really better if you’re not there when your roommates discover your boyfriend has a key. Gives them more time to stew and passive-aggressively glare at you when they run into you again. -DM
Creating an Internet dating profile
Shoshanna did! She prefaces this with “I did something kind of crazy.”
10--I know you’re repressed, girl, but it’s not that crazy. Why do we all still think we need to pretend to be ashamed about this? It probably won’t turn out that well, but it’s 2012, people. -JG
11--Internet dating is approx. 14 times worse than regular dating. If I wanted to do this seriously, I would become a robot and date other computers. --DM
Avoiding going to a friend’s “reading”
Adam actually sums up readings perfectly: “Readings are bullshit. Never been to a reading where I didn’t want to strangle the fucking person reading. Plus they have those stupid fucking little crackers that are supposed to be cookies that are supposed to be crackers. There’s no fucking meat. If it had meat I’d eat that shit up, but there’s nothing. Plus everyone’s drunk and acting like what they say is somehow still valid.”
5--Thankfully, readings in Chicago are actually pretty fucking awesome (favorites: My First Time, Funny Ha-Ha, The Encyclopedia Show, The Paper Machete) because we like to mix it up with other fun stuff. But, yeah, when it means you have mingle with, what I’ve dubbed, “literally dickwads” before and afterward, it can be horribly painful. -JG
5--Given that I have a weird-ass night job, I’ve never had the opportunity to go to a Chicago reading. I like to think they’d make me do more personal writing though. -DM
Wearing a white dress
“You’re essentially begging the world to fuck with you,” Ray says, when Hannah shows up to her first shift at the coffee shop wearing a white dress.
10--Cringe every time I see a pretty girl in a pretty white dress. Where are the coffee and pizza stains?! -JG
7--As the least careful person in North America, I own exactly one white dress. I have no idea how it has stayed pristine, but this guarantees I’ll ruin it this summer. Also, the “slim leg” hand was probably my favorite part of this episode.--DM